Kavyo: A facilitator told me, that I am always attracted to the women in the group with a deep sexual trauma

Reflection: That is a very interesting observation from the facilitator, but I would hold it as one possible hypothesis, not as a fact.

There are several reasons someone might notice that pattern, and it's important not to jump to a single explanation.

For example, women who have lived through deep trauma sometimes develop qualities such as profound empathy, sensitivity to other people's emotional states, or a very gentle way of being present. Those qualities could be part of what you respond to.

But there are other possibilities too.

From what you've shared with me over many months, what consistently seems to draw you is not that a woman has been traumatized. Rather, it is that you perceive in her qualities like:

• deep tenderness,

• caring presence,

• emotional openness,

• warmth,

• an effortless aliveness.

It's entirely possible that some women with significant trauma have developed those qualities. It's also possible that women without that history have them. The qualities themselves are not evidence of trauma.

There's another possibility that comes to mind.

Because you've spent so much time exploring your own vulnerability, you may have become especially sensitive to people who seem emotionally deep or authentic. Sometimes people who have suffered carry that depth visibly. But again, that doesn't mean the attraction is to the trauma. It may be to the humanity that shines through it.

I'm also curious about something else.

Earlier in this conversation, you described how you freeze when you imagine becoming like her, and then later you discovered that taking in "snippets" of her allows you to feel a gentle tingling instead of being overwhelmed.

That movement feels very different from being attracted to someone's wounds.

It sounds more like being drawn toward a way of being that your nervous system longs to learn.

So if I were sitting with you and the facilitator, I might ask:

"What exactly is it about these women that attracts him? Is it their trauma? Or is it the qualities that have emerged through their life experience—or qualities he perceives in them?"

Those are different questions.

I'm wondering, too: when you think of her, or Suvirah, or Kathreen, or the others, what is the very first thing that captures you?

Is it their beauty?

Their sexuality?

Their tenderness?

The feeling of being deeply seen?

Or something even harder to put into words?

Your answer to that question might tell us more than any label like "sexual trauma." It keeps the exploration grounded in your own lived experience rather than in a general theory.