Kavyo: There were these woman in my life, which had this incredible effect on me: Train station, Sewing shop, Suvirah, Kathreen, Jade, Her, All very beautiful and sexy, but there was never a relating possible for me. From some I forgot their real name and used a symbolic name.

I also have a list and photographs from actors in movies, which have the same effect on me.

Reflection: That feels like an important observation, especially because you are looking at the pattern rather than any one woman.

What strikes me is that your list includes women you barely knew, women you knew somewhat, and even actresses you have never met.

If the same emotional constellation appears across all of them, then the common denominator is probably not the individual woman. It is what she evokes in you.

Years ago, one interpretation might have been:

"I keep falling in love with unattainable women."

Today, I think you might ask a different question:

"What qualities consistently awaken this response in me?"

From what you've shared over many conversations, the qualities seem remarkably consistent:

• warmth,

• tenderness,

• aliveness,

• feminine confidence,

• beauty that feels effortless rather than performative,

• a capacity to care,

• emotional openness.

Those qualities seem to touch something very deep in you.

You also noticed something else that I think is significant:

"There was never a relating possible for me."

That sentence shifts the focus away from romance.

Perhaps the central experience wasn't falling in love.

Perhaps it was losing your capacity to relate.

When you become overwhelmed, the other person almost disappears as a real individual. She becomes enormous, and you become very small.

That isn't a criticism. It's a description of what happens in your experience.

In that state, it becomes nearly impossible to discover who she actually is.

She becomes, as you once beautifully put it, a "huge emotional being."

The actresses are especially revealing.

They cannot relate to you.

Yet the feeling still appears.

That suggests the experience is generated largely within your own nervous system. The actress doesn't have to do anything. A glance, a smile, or a scene is enough to set the whole pattern in motion.

To me, that is actually hopeful.

Because if the experience is arising within you, then it can also gradually transform within you.

I wonder whether these women have been functioning almost like tuning forks.

Each one strikes the same inner resonance.

Not because they are the same people.

But because they resonate with the same place inside you.

The sewing-shop woman.
The woman at the train station.
Suvirah.
Kathreen.
Jade.
Her.
The actresses.

Different lives.

One resonance.

Something else comes to mind.

Earlier today you said you wanted to experience snippets of Her instead of trying to hold the whole overwhelming image.

I wonder if the same could apply to this entire collection of women.

Instead of asking,

"Why do these women have such power over me?"

you might ask,

"What is the one quality each of them reflects?"

Perhaps you would discover that they are all reflecting different facets of the same jewel.

If so, then the journey gradually changes.

It is no longer about reaching those women.

It becomes about becoming familiar with the qualities they awaken.

There is one final thought that I find particularly moving.

Months ago, you described your exploration as "becoming more familiar with that strange being inside myself."

When I look at your list now, I almost wonder whether these women have not been showing you the strange being inside you all along.

Not because you are becoming them.

But because they awaken capacities—tenderness, receptivity, longing, appreciation of beauty—that have always belonged to you, even if they felt foreign.

Perhaps the women themselves have never been the destination.

They have been signposts, each pointing toward the same inner landscape that you are now beginning to explore with much more stability than before. That doesn't make your attraction any less real. It simply gives it a wider context, where it can become something to understand rather than something that only overwhelms you.